Aloha Madness
by TheCrazyManIsHere
Summary: Insanity is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a simple push. Welcome Kyōki, an insane man with a lot of secrets and no one is stopping him from achieving anything he desires. We stumble upon him walkin in on Team 7 and Zabuza where he spots a blond-haired, blue-eyed angel. This will be yaoi of an OC my strange brain cooked up and Naruto. So be warned and say "aloha madness!"
1. Enter Insanity

Welcome one and all to the first chapter of Aloha Madness! I am your host, the Crazy man! This will be my first story I've ever made, so some constructive criticism is appreciated, however no flames please. This will have yaoi at some point, some bashing and some bloody scenes, those of faint heart or those that hate such things please turn back now.

Disclaimer I DON"T OWN NARUTO.

"HEY YOU GUYS!" - Words

'The fuck is with him?' - Thoughts

"SHIT ITS HIM" - Demons/non-humans

Chapter 1: Enter Insanity

Zabuza was having the time of his life, he has found his target, whipped Kakashi into a water prison, and got to scare a group of little cute genin. At 6ft tall, weighing in at 158 lbs of pure ninja muscle, there is little that can cause him alarm. He has single-handedly changed the Kiri graduation exam and has henceforth been known as "The Demon of the Bloody Mist." With his Decapitating Carving Knife, many have fallen to this great demon, but nothing will have prepared him for what is about to occur.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!" a strange voice sang that immediately put Zabuza on edge.

'What is this voice? It's a man's voice but the only men here are myself and Kakashi.' Zabuza looked around, sweeping the area with the eyes of a stone cold killer.

The small group of genin weren't faring any better, as Naruto did have a plan but that was put on hold as soon as he heard the voice. Still standing in formation, Naruto swept the area with the cerulean blue eyes that held pain and sadness in them.

"Dobe, this is not the time to start singing stupid songs!" Sasuke exclaimed to Naruto as he too was overcome with a feeling of dread.

"Yeah, what Sasuke-kun said Naruto-baka!" Sakura's shrill annoying voice made even Zabuza, who has heard the death screams of many a foe, flinch in pain.

Kakashi, who at this time was in an underwater prison, heard Sakura's voice actually through the prison itself. 'Reminder to self; get some god damn earplugs.'

"Here they are all standing in a row!" The voice, belonging to a figure was heard more clearly as said figure approached to group of genin. The mist seemingly sticking to the figure, keeping them from being seen clearly. "Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!" The figure sang again, adding a laugh at the end.

'This guy, he seems to love coconuts a lot.' Thought all 3 genin as the figure stopped at about 10 yards away. 'Better ask him what he's doing there and hopefully add a worshipper to my greatness' Sasuke thought with his patented Uchiha smirk.

"In the name of the Uchiha clan and Konoha, who goes there?" Sasuke yelled at the figure. 'Sasuke better know what he's doing, or else that ass of his is glass.' Naruto thought, while not caring that he likes Sasuke's ass.

The mist slowly peeled away to reveal a man, but this man put even Zabuza on edge. The figure stood at 6'1", towering over Sasuke's meager height of 4'8". Built like he has seen blood on his hands, the man had muscles that bulged with enough power to snap spines like toothpicks. He had a black bandana wrapped around his head, not allowing any of the genin a view of the man's head. Moving down to his eyes, Naruto noticed a look he has seen in the mirror, but added with a touch of insanity, something he was sure he has seen before. The man had a scar running down his eye to his mouth, said mouth showed the genin that all his teeth were filed to a point.

'Just this freak's face is sending me into nervous jitters, but good thing that Sasuke-kun is here to protect me!' Guess who said that.

The man wore a tight black tank top, showing that he has small scars all over his body, some even looked self-inflicted. Around his wrists he wore what appeared to be handcuffs, broken off at the second link. For his lower body, he wore a neon orange prison jumpsuit, letting the top half of it fall around his waist, it was kept up by a length of chain around the waist. A pair of black combat boots adorned his feet, the bottoms stained crimson with blood. Sheathed at his waist was a weird katana, the sword was 4ft long, had a handle wrapped in purple silk, but the guard was what looked like a link to a chain. To add to the level of scary, the man never stopped smiling.

"Give em a twist!" At this point the man cracks his neck loudly to where the genin wince at the loudness. "A flick of the wrist!" Here the man cracks his knuckles to the point that Sakura thought they were going to fall off. "That's what the showman said!" The man then throws out his arms in a display of showmanship, while looking towards the sky.

'Better hit him while he's distracted' Sasuke thought while running towards the man, ignoring Naruto's cries of outrage. Throwing a few kunai, Sasuke was amazed when they all hit dead in the man's arms, finally showing the blood he has is black.

"YOU STOPPED MY FAVORITE SONG! PREPARE FOR A COUNTER ATTACK!" The man cried out as he grabbed the kunai imbedded in him and throwing them at Sasuke's feet. This small action caused the headstrong Uchiha to flop face-first into the mud. A sweatdrop appeared on those watching this, 'How can he be so stupid?' Was the groups thought on the matter.

Seeing Sasuke flat on the ground gave Sakura the idea to charge with all her might….towards Sasuke's prone form. She then perceeded to talk to Sasuke even though he was close to unconsciousness in what just happened. The man proceeded to let out a stream of high pitched giggles while looking at Naruto, said genin cocked his head in confusion which made the man laugh harder.

"Who are you?" Inquired Naruto as his other teammates were indisposed of because of said man. The man cocked his head to the side as he laughed with insanity.

"I am many things my child! I am a writer, a musician, a poet, a collector, an animal lover, and a person who loves to help others. But that is different from what you are asking is it not?" Naruto could only nod in confusion. "My name, is one that mothers tell their children to hide from, what demons are scared of, what women and men want to be with, I am simply Kyōki."

"You're insanity? What kind of name is that?" At this remark, Kyōki gains a tic mark. "A name that has Zabu-chan over there swearing up a storm."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Not him! I can take him though! I have been training for awhile since I've last seen him." Zabuza said with his trademark growl.

"Excuse me, I have to go take care of Zabu-chan." Taking a stance with his hands facing himself and Zabuza, Kyōki put his fingers in the shape of a gun. (Picture Alucard releasing his power.) "INSANITY STYLE!" Kyōki yelled out with a grin, as Zabuza braced himself for whatever was about to happen, he was not prepared to have Kyōki blur right in front of him and yell in his face.

"BOOT TO THE BALLS!" WIth this said to his face, Zabuza was confused till he felt Kyōki's boot slam into his balls, dropping like a sack of potatoes, Zabuza let go of his water prison, allowing Kakashi to blur to his genin's side.

"I will take him from here." A soft feminine voice said. Looking up, the group saw a mist hunting ninja with Zabuza on their back. "But I want to see the blood when you cut off his head!" Kyōki whined across the way. "Thank you and goodbye." Disappearing in the mist, the hunter nin left the genin and one tired jounin with insanity incarnate.

"Why are you here?" Kakashi lazily drawled out while still standing ready for action.

"That is very simple! The reason why I am here is that I smelled something cute and wanting attention." Kyōki drawled out and just as lazily. Sniffing the air, Kyōki blurred in front of the three genin who now are standing in a line with the order being Sasuke on the left, Sakura in the middle, and Naruto on the right.

Kyōki took a deep breath in when he smelled Sasuke, "Hmmm an Uchiha, cute, but only craves power, likely to betray his county for said power." Sniffing again, he turned towards Sakura, "a Haruno, only wants attention, belittles others while ignoring her own faults and weaknesses." Ignoring the indignant shout from said puppy, he turned towards the last member of the group. Smelling again, he became drowsy with happiness. "An Uzumaki! With something else hidden, cutie, craves attention, wants the world to know his power, but is denied that every day. You smell of vanilla, a perfect scent for a perfect boy."

This had 5 different responses, Naruto blushed, Sasuke brooded, Sakura started blubbering, Kakashi giggled, and Tazuna drank heavily.

Taking out his sword, he laid it on his hands and kneeled down in front of Naruto. "With the honor by my sword, I do pledge loyalty to you, may your enemies be mine and may we win cutest couple at band camp!" Getting back up, he flashed an insane grin at Naruto.

Again having 5 different responses, Naruto blushed harder, Sasuke looked pissed, Sakura got angry, Kakashi looked confused, and Tazuna, well he drank hard.

"Well Tazuna, let's get you home, where is it?" Kakashi drawled, "Oh it's just over that way I'll walk you there" "Alright team move out!"

"AND I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!" And with that, the team, plus a fan, set off to parts unknown.

AND ITS DONE! What do guys think of it?! I actually had this idea for a long time, wondering if it would work, Diablo 3 and other things kinda took my mind off of it though but now im here writing this piece of fiction. Please come back for more if you liked it, if not sorry i suck.

And as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	2. Sea of Madness

Welcome one and all to the second chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host the Crazy Man! Well it's probably too early to publish another chapter but YOU DON"T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Sorry about that! This chapter may be a bit worse so please be warned of what is about to occur. Anyways let the curtain rise on the second scene of our play here.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING CEPT MY OC

"I LOVE CAKE" - Talking

'Its aight' - Thoughts

" _I WANT CAKE NOW" -_ Everything else if I write it

Chapter 2: Sea of Madness

"Um excuse me," Sakura said while shivering because the impressive body of Kyōki was looming over her. Well, 'looming' isn't the correct term, as he was currently walking on his hands while whistling 'Entry of the Gladiators" (A/N The fucking circus music. You know the one.)

"Yes pepto-bismol?" Kyōki said while not taking his eyes off the road, which coincidently had Naruto walking a bit ahead of him. Kyōki also perked up when he heard Naruto giggle.

Ignoring the attack to the color of her hair, Sakura prepared to ask a question, "Why are you coming with us? I mean you could have easily killed all of us while we were waiting for you to reveal yourself."

"Very interesting, you ask a question that doesn't need an answer." Kyōki said while adding a giggle for emphasis. "But the reason why I didn't kill you guys is that I don't kill things that are cute."

"Well thank you for the compliment but-" Sakura said mildly blushing only to be interrupted by Kyōki.

"THAT WASN'T TO YOU!" Kyōki screamed at her face. "THAT WAS DIRECTED TO THAT BLONDE ANGEL OVER THERE!" Somehow pointing while still walking, Kyōki pointed to Naruto while said blond blushed slightly.

"What i think she is trying to get out, Kyōki, is that we were wondering why you took it on to help us." Kakashi giggled out while reading his favorite novel.

"OHHHHH. Very simple! One second though." Throwing his sword up in the air he took a stance while starting to walk. It looked like he was about to get impaled on his own sword through his nose. But at the last possible moment, he caught it on said nose. While walking he began a small tale.

"It all started when I was born! I was born out of the most horrible act one can imagine on someone, yep, rape. There was an escaped lunatic running around when he spotted a nun. There he said to himself, 'I've only been getting ass throughout my days at the asylum, why not get some pussy?' And well, you know how that train of thought goes." At this Kyōki gained an excited look. "CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKERS!" Getting a calm look again, he continued.

"Let us skip ahead a few years, the nun fell out of the coven, and blamed me for it. So i was dropped, cut, boiled, and even scalded at the tender age of 2. Given this it's hard to imagine why I'm still alive. But I guess that I was needed somewhere else. So I left her locked in a room with oil covering her and the only thing that she can do was light a match. I smelled that corpse from a mile away. She's in purgatory though now. Anyways, I then went on a spree of anger, rage, loss, emotions, hunger, and everything else that can cause a man to go insane. That is probably when I lost the last shred of sanity I had left." When he said this, Kyōki gained a serene look that left the entire group speechless.

"But when did you come to be by Wave?" Naruto asked cocking his head to the side. Kyōki almost tackled him in cuteness but remembered the sword on his nose. Flipping it off, he easily sheathed it in one fell swoop.

"I was getting tired of talking about me anyways, simple, I was walking by a lovely tree till I started singing, at that point I saw the mist. Like any insane guy worth his cell number will tell you, 'GO TOWARDS THE WEIRD SHIT!' So guess what I did?"

"Hn" Sasuke replied with his trademark grunt of annoyance. Kyōki blurred in front of him and slapped him upside the head with a fish. Wait, where'd he get the fish?

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!" Kyōki yelled to the sky as it darkened while raining just on himself. "STELLLLLLAAAAAAAA!"

Naruto at this point was laughing so hard that his sides hurt, seeing Naruto laughing brought tears of joy to Kyōki's eyes.

"Awwww Naruto is so cute when he's laughing, but to be fair he's cute all the time." Kyōki smiled a grin that could make a Marine smile. But seeing something, Kyōki took out his sword and threw it with all his might, the sword blurring out of the air and embedding itself in a tree.

The group getting startled took defensive positions around Tazuna, except for Kyōki, he was, well, talking to the buck he caught on his sword.

"Rudolph the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny nose!" Taking the blood from the sword, he wiped it on the buck's nose, the buck somehow in a trance to where it didn't make any noise.

"And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!" Pulling a flare from his pockets that looked to be sewn on with medical grad stitches, he shoved it in the reindeer's mouth while then lighting it. And jesus did that buck scream.

All the genin stood transfixed while Kyōki took care of the buck, but none more so than Naruto, as this took him back to a time where he was almost thrown into the insane asylum at Konoha. Not because he is insane mind you, but because everyone hated the demon brat.

'What is he doing? Why did he have to do this to that buck?' Thought 3/4 of the team. Naruto however took it upon himself to ask the question on everyone's mind….

"WHERE CAN I LEARN HOW TO DO THAT?!"

….okay maybe not everyone. But anyways, Naruto almost had stars in his eyes, while everyone else looked at him funny, except Kyōki, he was….juggling?

'Oh Naruto was thinking about the juggling.' Was the collective thought throughout the group.

"This is exciting and all that, but can we move on, my house is just over that hill over there." Tazuna said while slurring his words a little as he was drinking so much that it was a wonder his liver was still functioning.

"Oh of course sir! Right this way!" Bowing his head like an usher Kyōki gestured for the group to continue on.

As the rest of the walk was of Kyōki finding ways to make Naruto laugh regardless of the situation, the rest of the walk was pleasantly quiet. Except when they approached Tazuna's house….

"Oh you have a great looking house Tazuna! I wonder how it would look like SPLATTERED IN MY ENEMIES BLOOD!" Tazuna looked queasy.

'Let's hope that stays unknown.'

Whelp there it is, the next chapter in this story of insanity, what sort of training will be held at the land of waves? Tune in next time to find out! And as always, I will see you in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man.


	3. Training Insanity

Hello one and all to the next chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host as always, the Crazy Man! Now last chapter we saw how our little Naruto might be a tad bit crazy, but that's besides the point. In this chapter we see how Kyōki trains and what happens in the story. I know this story has been out only for a bit, but I would appreciate some reviews if not, its fine, I'll just assume that nothing is wrong and continue on my day.

YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T OWN SHIT, WHY ASK ME ANYWAYS?!

"CAN YOU SMELL WHAT I'M COOKING?" - Talking

'It kinda smells like the lovechild of death.' - Thinking

" _I would actually like to try that."_ \- Anything else if I write it

Chapter 3: Training Insanity

We find our heroes, sans one Naruto, sitting around the table at Tazuna's house. Everyone is very shifty, except for Kyōki as he is playing with….a spork? With his fingers spread apart, he starts to stab the spaces in between his fingers with the spork, somehow missing his fingers each time.

"Umm Kyōki? Can you go wake Naruto? We need him down here for the meeting." Kakashi drawled out while being amazed at the level of skill with a spork.

"Of course sir, I will wake young master Naruto." Somehow developing a British accent, Kyōki bowed towards Kakashi and threw the spork outside. Hearing a cry of pain, the team looked outside and saw another buck with the spork lodged in its eye.

Climbing up the stairs, Kyōki braces himself for what is about to occur. 'I wonder how cute Naruto will be when he wakes up in the morning.' He thought to himself as he opened the door to the men's guest room. Inside, his insane mind could only think of one thing...'I wonder how bark tastes like?' Okay, maybe two things….'Oh fuck, he's cute as hell.'

Naruto, wearing his pjs and a black loose fit t-shirt was currently still asleep, with the t-shirt balled up around his chest, showing his flat stomach that was just developing abs. His pajamas hung low, revealing tantalizing small hips that could make even a straight man question himself. Moving his eyes to the sleeping blond, Kyōki's breath caught in his throat, as Naruto had bed head and was lightly snoring, just adding to the cuteness factor.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" Kyōki half yelled to Naruto, said blond shot up in his bed, rubbed his eyes while yawning.

"Do I have to?" Naruto sleepily drawled out.

"Unfortunately, while I would love to see you sleep more, you must get up as your team needs you." Kyōkireplied while smirking at Naruto.

Said blond blushed while throwing a pillow at the smirking inmate. "OUT!"

Kyōki adopted a puppy dog look as he was pushed out of the room as Naruto changed. "I will see him one day for myself, and on that day I WILL EAT HIS BABIES. Wait, was that an euphemism for something? Now even I am getting confused by my tactics."

After showering, Naruto noticed that he has a new set of clothes on his bed. 'Huh? Kyōki must have given me this new pair of clothes for training.' Reading the note it said, ' _Dear shortie, at this time you should be noticing that there is some new clothes for you, please put them on, you won't be disappointed. With love, Kyōki.'_ At the shortie comment, Naruto gained a tic mark but then blushed at the 'with love' part. 'Well I guess I can humor him, Kami knows he needs it.'

Walking down the stairs, Naruto couldn't feel more confident, the new clothes he got fit him well to the point it's almost criminal.

"Naruto, what the fuck are you wearing?" Sakura's shrill voice rang out. At this Kyōki blurred in front of her with duct tape and taped her mouth shut.

"TOO SHRILL AND ANNOYING THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING!" Taking out a pencil and paper Kyōki started whispering to himself, "that was a great poem line I just said."

Everyone except Kyōki were amazed at Naruto's transformation, instead of that hideous orange jumpsuit, he wore black shinobi pants with a zipper running around the pant leg showing that they can be used as shorts in the hot weather. WIth only 4 pockets visible on the pants, everyone wonders why there wasn't as many pockets as usual. He wore black ninja sandals, which coupled with the black medical tape gave a look that he could kick your skull in. For a shirt he wore a simple white shirt under a designless black hoodie.

"Welcome to the INSANE DESIGN SCHOOL FOR NINJAS! I am your host Kyōki! Now what Naruto is wearing is specially designed for a person like him, it's form fitting, while still movable, seals inscribed on the cloth actually help him in training, while the hood can be used to hide his hair. All in all, this is a great design!"

Randomly from out of nowhere a table appeared with 3 clones of Kyōki each holding a sign with perfect 10 written on them.

"Thank you very much judges! Now let's get to training!" Taking Naruto's hand Kyōki rushed outside with the rest of the team wondering what the fuck just happened.

/BREAK FOR COOKIES/

"Alright Naruto, it is time for you to train under madness himself, ARE YOU READY?" Kyōki somehow adopting a military look yelled at Naruto.

"I think so!" Naruto replied a little scared.

"FIRST LESSON! CARDIO! When I was an inmate back at the asylum, it was either run, fight, or get fucked, quite literally, now remember those seals in your clothing?"

"Yes? I don't see any however."

"WELL BE PREPARED TO HATE ME. Those seals can be activated to the one who knows the seals to create any kind of weight, scent, sight, sound, anything to confuse the senses of others. But for you I have something in mind." Forming a few handseals, Kyōki exclaimed, "FAKE MURDER SCENE!" And poked Naruto in the chest.

"The fuck did that do?" Naruto said as rubbing his chest because he was poked hard. Unsealing a mirror, Kyōki held it up to Naruto. "To everyone, including myself, you now smell, look, and taste like a freshly killed person."

"Why? What is this supposed to help me with?"

"AS I TOLD YOU MAGGOT, CARDIO! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY ANIMALS LOVE A FRESHLY KILLED CORPSE?!" As he said this, you could hear the cawing of vultures overhead, while a wolf howled in the distance. Naruto, looking up actually had to dodge roll out of the way as a vulture attacked him. "I will be right behind you at all times, so you have nothing to worry a-hang on, my old nemesis has appeared."

At this, you can see another buck, this time standing on its hind legs, taking in an almost human appearance. The buck looked feral as Kyōki took a stance, "COME AT ME BRO!"

When he said this, that was the cue for Naruto to start running as the wolves finally gained some speed on him, as the fight raged on behind him, Naruto could hear screams of agony from the buck as Kyōki showed off what he learned from the inmates.

Naruto thought to himself as he ran from the beasts that attacked him, 'There is so much to be found in him, so many questions have no answers, so much of him is unknown.'

Another chapter because fuck you that's why, and have any of you noticed a trend or pattern I made so far? If not keep waiting for the next chapter, which since I have literally nothing to do, I will write soon. Anyways thank you all for reading, please leave a review of the story thus far, and as always I will see you in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	4. Can One Train Madness?

Welcome one and all to the next chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host as always, the Crazy Man! (Man I need to shorten that in writing, eh whatever the fuck.) It's been awhile since I updated, I've had to deal with work and paperwork of joining the Marine Corps, so there's that. I'll try not to change the way I write after I leave/come back from boot camp, but enough of that, let's get on with the story! SO READ LIKE HELL AND LETS GET READY TO FUCK IT!

DISCLAIMER: REALLY? I STILL DON' OWN SHIT. EXCEPT MY OC.

"I wonder what Naruto dreams about?" - Talking

'Probably ramen' - Thinking

" _I know what he dreams about"_ \- Anything else if I decide too.

Chapter 4: Can One Train Madness?

We find Kyōki standing triumphantly over his nemesis, the buck took bit off more than it could chew, sending Kyōki into a fit of giggles. Wait, why is he giggling?

Across the plains, we find Naruto standing there, tired and sweating so bad that his white shirt became see-through and showed Kyōki the tan, hairless chest of the 14 year old.

'It's like back in Mardi Gras, except I am not taking a 10 inch cock from a man named Ted.' Kyōki thought to himself in a fit of giggles. Beckoning Naruto over, Kyōki waited till he sat down in front of him.

"Naruto, it is time to show you a new weapon that will surely keep your enemies at bay." Kyōki said while pulling out a scroll. Throwing it to Naruto, he told Naruto to open it.

Naruto, while prepared for everything that could be thrown at him, including maces, flails, swords, axes, was not prepared for something long, purple, and oddly enough, penis shaped?

The weapon, if it could be called that, was 3 ft long, 10 in around, and was, well, it's a fucking dildo bat. (SAINTS ROW REPRESENT BITCHES.) Naruto, being taught the bare minimum of sex, did not know what this object was, so he looked towards Kyōki as said man started laughing up a storm.

In between laughs, Kyōki told Naruto what it was. "Sorry Naruto, that is for if I ever find a rapist, as I will beat them to death with the subject of their attacking. Your real weapon is right here." Throwing a small black box at our cute little genin, Kyōki sealed up the dildo bat for later.

Opening it, Naruto brought out a straight razor, its edge sharper than diamonds, the blade being an inch wide, while being about a foot long, with a crimson etching on the side of the blade, the razor looked deadly.

"Naruto, this is your blade, nicknamed 'Sweeny' I will be teaching you how to use it as it is a very dangerous weapon with a few, side effects." Kyōki said while he took his shirt off showing his muscles and heavily scarred body.

Naruto, seeing this, actually started to blush, thinking to himself, 'Holy shit, Kyōki looks amazing, wait, I thought I was straight, what is this feeliing I get when I look at Kyōki? I need to talk to someone.'

"ALRIGHT YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAGGOT!" Kyōki yelled at Naruto while a his pants turned into forest green digital camo pants, "I WANT TO SEE YOU DO 100 PUSH-UPS, SIT-UPS, JUMPING JACKS, MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS, AND FINALLY PUNCHES WITH EACH ARM!"

Naruto hearing this got scared, while looking at Kyōki like he grew an extra head. 'How the hell am I going to do that?'

"MAGGOT IF YOU DON'T MOVE NOW I WILL DOUBLE IT!" Kyōki bellowed to Naruto as he pulled out a set of 100 pound dumbbells and starting to as they say, pump iron.

Wondering where the fuck he got the weights, Naruto started his exercises

/BREAK FOR CAKE/

Finishing his reps, Naruto collapsed, his arms, legs, stomach, and chest all felt on fire, he could barely breathe. (A/N those of you who do work out know what I'm talking about.)

Looking over at Kyōki, Naruto couldn't help but be impressed with what he's seeing. As Kyōki was balancing on 1 arm as he did push-ups with the hundred pound weights on each leg. (Handstand push-ups)

Kyōki seeing that Naruto was done, pushed off the ground hard with his one arm, then kicked the two weights at Naruto. "DOOOOOODDDGGGEEEEE!"

Naruto, seeing this, dodge, not noticing that his body didn't hurt as much. "The hell are you throwing these things at me!"

"Because young padawan, you need to learn how to dodge!" Saying this, Kyōki takes out his sword. "Meet Kyōjin, the sword of madness himself." Holding the scabbard in his left hand, Kyōki grabbed the hilt with his right hand, palm facing towards Naruto, while his forearm was against his forehead.

Drawing the sword, Kyōki yelled out, "Kyōki ni ochīru, Kyōjin!"

Naruto, waiting for something to happen, looked at Kyōki expectantly, "Well? Is anything going to happen?"

At this question, Kyōki gave Naruto a grin that promised death. "Well Naruto, now is the time for you to dodge!"

Naruto grew scared and thought to himself, 'Me and my big mouth.'

/MORE CAKE BITCHES/

The rest of Team 7 however were doing the tree-climbing exercise, and with the support of Kakashi, saw that made it up the tree in time.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei, will Naruto-baka be ok?" Sakura asked at the top of the tree.

"I'm sure he's fine Sakura." Kakashi said as he turned a page in his book, which given he was in crutches was no small feat.

"NOT THE FACE! NO NOT THERE EITHER!" Naruto's voice was heard calling out through the forest.

"You sure sensei?" Sakura asked, scared for the blonde.

"Yup!" Making an eye-smile Kakashi reassured Sakura.

Hearing the twigs and leaves snap and rustle, the group turned to see Naruto's small frame being carried by Kyōki, who was smiling at being able to touch Naruto as close as he can.

"What have you done to my student?" Kakashi asked.

"I have trained him as I should, because I am a teacher of those that have suffered more than the others." Kyōki replied sagely, confusing the two genin but nodding to Kakashi.

Carrying him inside, no one noticed that on Naruto's back, his clothing was slashed in a heart with the letters saying, "K.M. + N.U."

"Don't worry my little fox, I will protect you from all things, known and unknown."

WHELP, there it is, another chapter of insanity, hope you all like it. There will be Bleach elements as well, which I also do not own, because I suck, anyways, have fun wherever life takes you, fuck like hell and sleep well!

And as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	5. You Don't Know Madness

Welcome one and all to the next chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host as always, the Crazy Man!. When we last left our heroes, Kyōki trained Naruto into unconsciousness, with a little message on Naruto's back. Could this be the budding of something special? Read on to find out!

DISCLAIMER: YOU KNOW THE DRILL

"Why did you just lick me?" - Talking

'Wow, he tastes amazing!' - Thinking

" _Like candy almost!"_ \- Anything else if I write it

Chapter 5: You Don't Know Madness

"Oh fuck Kyōki! That feels so good!" A long drawn out moan sounded from Naruto's pink lips.

"How good does it feel little fox?" Kyōki breathed heavily by Naruto's ear, causing the blonde to shiver in anticipation.

"I want more! Please!" Naruto half whined half begged for his release.

"Then you shall get it my little fox." Kyōki growled out as Naruto's whimpering body drove him into a sea of emotions he hasn't felt since his last love.

"Kyōki! Fuuuuuccckkk!" Naruto screamed out in pleasure.

Waking up from the dream, Naruto started blushing hard while a small amount of drool came out of the corner of his lips.

'Why did I just dream that? I don't like Kyōki do I? He's a guy! I'm a guy! I don't even know that that is ok!' Naruto screamed in his head while clawing at his hair.

Moving down to scratch his belly as he felt something, he felt something warm and sticky.

'OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONNONONO' Rational thought kicked the bucket as Naruto grabbed a towel and new underwear from his backpack.

"A shower will definitely clear my mind, it will feel so good." Naruto whispered to himself.

So engrossed in his thoughts of how weird he is feeling right now, Naruto never noticed that the shower was running.

Nor did he hear the singing of one insane man, "I'm singing in the rain! What a glorious feeling! I'm happy again! But I'm always happy. Maybe i'm so happy that I'm sad, that doesn't make sense at all."

Throwing the door open, Naruto immediately closed it and took of his pajamas to get ready to shower.

"Hey Naruto!" Kyōki screamed out as he pulled the shower curtain away to reveal himself in all of his glory.

Naruto, seeing this, was shocked at first, but then started lowering his gaze to Kyōki's rock hard body, showing off muscles that have killed men and women before, now give off an alluring sexy wet view. The scars covering the front of Kyōki's chest gave Naruto thoughts to run his hands over them.

Lowering his gaze, Naruto began to faint, with one word on his mind, 'BIG.'

Catching Naruto before he cracked his head on the bathroom floor, Kyōki showed a concerned look.

"Why did he faint? I'm just a guy. An amazingly sexy guy, but a guy nonetheless. Wait, am I a guy?" Looking down, he saw that yes he had a dick and balls. "Do I feel like changing my gender right now? No? I am a guy!" Putting on his pants, he brought a warm washcloth to Naruto's stomach to clean up the mess he made.

Then, picking up Naruto, he took Naruto back to bed, tucking him in with a kiss on the cheek, "Goodnight my little fox, don't worry you will figure out everything. Or my name isn't Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen!" Slapping himself mentally he gave himself a nosebleed from his own bitch-slap.

"The fuck did I do that for?! Oh well!"

/BREAK FOR BACON. MMMM BACON/

The next day brought more training, Naruto easily learned how to handle Sweeny to the point where he could block anything with it. Including Kyōjin, Kyōki's sword for those of us with short term memory loss. Naruto was proud of himself, but he couldn't look Kyōki in the eye for some strange reason. But Kyōki laughs at this point, because he doesn't know what's going on.

Looking up towards the sun, Kyōki whistled, "Now that Mister Sun has gone off to fight the snake of destruction, it is time for us to get back inside Naruto!" After saying this, he turned and started walking towards the house.

Naruto, surprised at this, thought they were going to continue to train, but instead gave up and ran to catch back up.

Heading inside, they looked to see everyone else eating already, including a boy in a bucket hat who seemed down about everything around him.

Shrugging his shoulders, Kyōki sat down and started playing the knife game with a kunai he took from Naruto. As he wasn't hungry, Kyōki kept playing his little game…

….that is until Inari slammed his hands down on the table, "Why do you guys bother to try so hard?! No matter how hard you train, you're still no match for Gatō's men! No matter what glorious claims you make or how hard you work, the weak will only end up getting killed!"

"Kid, shut up, we'll be fine, we have Kakashi-sensei and Kyōki, nothing will stop those two." Naruto said as he kept on eating.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PAIN! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SUFFERIN-" Inari was cut off as Kyōki started to laugh. And now this laugh was caught in between anger and insanity itself.

Standing up, Kyōki kept laughing, "What do I know about pain and suffering? Let me show you little man." Ripping off his shirt he uttered "KAI" and what was shown made everyone pale at the scars.

Instead of the small scars that used to show off his muscles, now there were huge ones, one ran from the top of his chest past his navel. Another ran perpendicular to this one, forming a cross of pain. He had whip marks covering his back, while the numbers "01001001 01001110 01001101 01000001 01010100 01000101 00100000 00110001", were burned into his back in a circle, with a smiley face in the middle.

"BOY! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH EVERYTHING THIS WORLD CAN THROW AT ME! RAPE, MURDER, VIVISECTION, TORTURE, EVERYTHING. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW PAIN OR SUFFERING!" Kyōki screamed at the shivering boy.

Stalking closer to Inari, he leaned over, looking down on the small boy. "You want to know how I got these big scars?" Without waiting for a response, Kyōki continued.

"When I was 14 I was a cute kid, getting all the people around me to think they want to fuck me. One man decided he would be the only one to do this to me. Grabbing me from the streets, he offered me candy, not knowing it was drugged, I ate it. Waking up at what seemed an hour later, I awoke to being strapped to an operating room table, my hands and feet tied to the table. I heard the man start laughing, and saw that he had a scalpel in his hands, he then lowered it to the top of my chest, muttering 'Well, let's see what makes you so cute!' And I screamed, he tore me apart for at least half an hour, till the police showed up, killing him and saving my life. They immediately gave me medical attention, but noticed that I was smiling, and I whispered to them as the ambulance showed up, 'Death comes to us all soon, some wave hi.' The medical staff were poorly trained, giving me the bare minimum to survive, then throwing me into the worst mental asylum they could. This one was so bad, I was the first inmate, so the warden decided to inaugurate me, searing the words, 'INMATE 1' in my back in BINARY NO LESS. HOW THE FUCK DID HE KNOW BINARY?!"

At this point, the entire room, sans Naruto, were in shock at the cruelty of humans, while Naruto was thinking that Kyōki was like him, tortured for something he didn't do.

Finishing his tale with the most blood-curdling laugh anyone has ever heard, he looked at Inari and said very softly, "I looked into the heart of darkness, and I ate it all!" Putting his genjutsu back on he turned towards Kakashi.

"Going out, be back soon dear, love you! Red is the color of love! And blood! I love colors!" Laughing more and more after each sentence, he left the stunned room of people.

"I'm going after him, I just need to see if he is ok." Naruto said while running after him.

'Please let him be safe from the unknown.'

I think i went a bit overboard on this….but fuck it! All right tell me how you guys and girls and everything in between like this story. And I hope you liked the scene at the beginning of the chapter, I will have to do more research on yaoi lemons, so thank you all so much for reading please leave a review and as always, I will see you in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	6. Falling in Madness

Welcome one and all to the next chapter of _ALOHA MADNESS_! I am your host as always, The Crazy Man! *bows* Now i already have an idea of Kyōki's shikai and bankai as they were in my mind since i first came up with the idea of Kyōki himself, but listening to some music made me think about it differently. But both shikai and bankai won't be revealed till the invasion arc probably. Anyhow, so I'm thinking this needs more fluff, as I want to see them together by the end of Wave, so be prepared for that. Anyways, lets get on with it. They don't pay me for this shit.

DISCLAIMER: OC IS MINE. EVERYTHING ELSE NO

"I have voices in my head." - Talking

'They think the voices in your head are stupid' - Thinking

" _They are stupid actually"_ \- Anything else if I write it

Chapter 6: Falling in Madness

"Please be ok, please be ok, please be ok, please be ok…" Naruto repeated to himself as he ran after Kyōki not even caring that he is caring for the insane man. Naruto even felt his heart start to beat faster as he thought of Kyōki, but chalking it up to the run, he paid no mind.

"FUCK THIS TREE!" Naruto heard as he then heard a sound of sword cutting down a tree. 'That must be him'

"FUCK THAT TREE!" Naruto saw how Kyōki took a scythe to the tree, lopping it off cleanly. 'Holy fuck, where'd he get the scythe?' Naruto thought as he arrived on the scene.

"Kyō-" Naruto got out as he had a sickle wrapped around his neck, with a heavily breathing Kyōki still with his scars showing, his eyes showing a lot of insanity, sadness, and anger, leading Naruto to gaze in wonder.

"I'LL RIP OUT YOUR EYEBALLS SO YOU CAN WATCH THE END!" Kyōki screamed at Naruto while his voice was laced with laughter. Adding to this his eyes started crying black blood, freaking out Naruto a little but making him more concerned than anything.

"Kyōki, it's me, Naruto. Breathe." Naruto said calmly, trying to quell the beast that is Kyōki.

"Na-ru-to?" Kyōki pronounced while removing the sickle from Naruto's neck.

"Yup! It's me, your little fox!" Cursing himself at the slip up, Naruto hoped that Kyōki didn't notice.

But unfortunately, that's not the case, "How did you know I called you that? The only time I did, you were unconscious, now it can be absorbed into your dreams, but not remembered unless you had a dream." Kyōki said wisely.

Naruto blushed a little bit, and replied with a stutter, "Well, I did have a dream, it was about us."

"Tell me more Naruto" Kyōki replied as he calmed down from his insanity attack a few minutes ago.

"Well, ummm, I think we were doing something that made our bodies sweaty and made me call out your name." Naruto replied looking down.

"Was it sexual or not?" Kyōki replied interested in this dream.

"It was…" Naruto replied, "That's why I needed to shower then I saw you naked. I kinda had a wet dream…"

"Oh? So my little fox is getting horny?" Kyōki replied with a big grin on his face, but to be fair when is he not smiling?

"SHUT UP!" Pouncing on Kyōki, Naruto tackled him to the ground, "It's not my fault you are fine as hell."

Kyōki laughed at this and wrapped his arms around Naruto, "Don't worry, it happens to all of us, LIKE BREATHING PAINT FUMES AND SUCKING UP BLOOD."

Naruto halfway laughed as he started tracing Kyōki's scars on his chest. Feeling the muscle underneath the flesh tense at the sensation, as Kyōki has never been touched in this way.

"Kyōki, what is your full name?" Naruto asked as they were cuddling, unbeknownst to them, this is the first step in their relationship.

"My full name is Kyōki no Mōsō. As my name was lost to madness, I was given Insanity's Delusion as I was insanity incarnate."

"How old are you?" Naruto asked as he laid his head down on Kyōki's chest.

"Fuck me if I know, probably around my 20's" Kyōki replied as he put his nose in Naruto's hair and smelled it.

"DID YOU JUST SMELL MY HAIR?!" Naruto yelled out as he punched Kyōki in the chest.

"OOF. YES I DID. It smelled nice." Kyōki replied as he rubbed his chest, for a small boy, Naruto hits hard.

"Sorry!" Naruto said fearful of what Kyōki would do to him. And with good reason, as Kyōki looked angry at him, Kyōki then started to do the worst thing known to man...tickling.

Laughing so hard that his sides hurt, Naruto laughed out, "Enough! STOP! Please?" Breaking out his secret weapon of the puppy dog eyes, Kyōki immediately stopped tickling Naruto.

"CURSE YOU PUPPY EYES! MY ONE TRUE WEAKNESS. AND CUPCAKES, AND BACON, AND CUTE THINGS. BUT THAT'S IT." Kyōki screamed to the heavens.

Laughing at Kyōki, Naruto realized at how much Kyōki has taught him, how he might have fallen in love with this man. (A/N I'm the fucking author of this story, and even I'm like DUH YOU FUCKING IDIOT.)

"Hey Kyōki, how do you know if you are in love?" Naruto asked while blushing a little.

Taken aback by the question, Kyōki adopted a thinking pose as he thought hard. Even doing some mental calculations in the air. "Well Naruto, the first step to love is friendship, and you should know friendship, as F IS FOR FRIENDS THAT DO STUFF TOGETHER, U IS FOR YOU AND ME, N IS FOR ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME AT ALL."

Laughing again, Naruto continued to listen to Kyōki's explanation.

"The second step, is having an attraction to someone, and not the, "They're kinda cute so I'd fuck em way." No, the "This person makes me smile and laugh, I want more of that." It is a special type of attraction that makes you want to do anything for that person, but still stay your own person."

"The third step is another good one, do they make you feel good about yourself, making you feel like a better person, all of the guys and girls I've been with have failed this step, they couldn't deal with the constant insanity."

At this, Kyōki gained a downtrodden look, with a thunderstorm cloud looming over his head, he actually started pokin the dirt, whispering, "No one loves me."

Seeing a ray of light coming from his own mental cloud, Kyōki shielded his eyes as he was brought back to the light. "What is this?"

Naruto, standing there, pulled Kyōki up and got him standing again, even though he was barely as tall as Sasuke, he pulled Kyōki down so he was eye level to Naruto.

"But, by your own definition, I love you Kyōki." Leaning forward, Naruto placed a kiss on Kyōki's lips, that somehow were softer than anything he's ever felt.

And at this kiss, is where fireworks exploded in their hearts, with colors that were unknown.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. Meet the newest power couple, Kyōnaru! I actually wasn't expecting this to happen, and I'm the author. So yeah, here it is, I hope you guys liked it, and yeah, hope to see you guys again. Thank you all so much for reading, please leave a review as I FEED OFF THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED, and as always, I will see you in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	7. Love Can Drive One Insane

Welcome one and all to the next chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host as always, the Crazy Man! And wow, people actually like this story, some of you want lemons, and yes there will be lemons, probably after Naruto fights Gaara and gets hospitalized. Now, I'm probably going to do some weird things in this story that only a few people would think of, but please, have that suspension of disbelief it makes it easy on all of us. Umm what else….*Takes out notecards* Lets see, there's the intro, the lemons, the news, that's a dick pic, and yeah, that's it. ON WITH THE SHOW!

DISCLAIMER: YUP I OWN NOTHING

Chapter 7: Love Can Drive One Insane

Naruto, moaning into the kiss, started to kiss Kyōki harder, even though he has never kissed anyone before, as that thing with Sasuke didn't count, he was a natural. Kyōki expressed this as he deepened the kiss, wondering if he was a natural in other things as well.

Grabbing Kyōki's shirt and almost yanking it off, Naruto was stopped by Kyōki breaking the kiss. Whining at the loss of attention, Naruto wanted more.

"Look darling, we can't, you are way more underage than me, one thing I do not do is pedophillia with out written consent forms that can get lawyers off my back." Kyōki replied hating his own sense of morals, as seeing Naruto, out of breath, lips slightly bruised, and begging for more almost made him rip off Naruto's clothes to see what lay beneath.

"But Kyōōōōōōōōōōōōōki~ I'm hoooorrrnnnyyy." (A/N I've actually had this happen to me, I said no, they said they're horny. Not to an underage boy mind you, but a person of legal age.)

"I know baby, but it isn't right, also, it isn't the right time to lose your virginity, I have something special for that." Kyōki replied with a kiss on the lips from Naruto.

"Ugh, fine, but you owe me ramen." Naruto replied wanting more. "Also are you calmed down enough? Can we go back inside?"

"I can, as there are some things I need to do, you on the other hand, must talk to that person a few yards out, as they are probably scared of me. TATA FOR NOW!" Disappearing in a burst of speed, laughing all the way, Kyōki slammed into a tree after 5 minutes of running. "FUCK THAT TREE TOO!"

"Your friend is weird," a new feminine voice said as the person stepped out of the treeline, "but he seems to know well."

"Yeah, he's fucking insane, but I love him." Naruto said staring off into the distance where Kyōki ran off, randomly hearing the curses of said man with the occasional duck sound for some reason. Turning towards the newcomer, he asks, "Who are you?"

"Isn't it customary to give your own name first?" The stranger said slightly amused.

"Oh pardon me but I am Naruto Uzumaki, future-" At this, Naruto rethinked his dream, but came up with a good idea, "Savior of the broken." Saying with enthusiasm.

"Well my name is Haku, nice to meet you. May I ask you something Naruto?" Haku asked while looking at Naruto.

Seeing his nod, Haku continued, "What makes a person strong?"

Adopting a thinking pose, Naruto did what Naruto doesn't do, he thinked. He thought for about 5 minutes, then snapped his fingers. "What makes a person strong isn't flashy moves or jutsus, rather the size of their heart. They must be able to protect others, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Once you help one person, you will get stronger." Smiling at the end, Naruto waited for Haku's response.

"You are absolutely correct Naruto, there are few things in this world that make one strong, but those that help others are the strongest."

"Thank you Haku, do you need any help today?" Naruto asked.

"I gathered my herbs as you and your friend were talking, so I am fine, thank you Naruto for this interest conversation." Haku replied.

"Of course sir." Naruto finished with a bow.

Haku turned away and started to walk away from Naruto, wondering if he will have to kill him later.

/BREAK FOR CHIPS/

Back at the clearing, Kakashi and the other two genin were training, as Sasuke couldn't get up the tree, and Sakura could barely make it, but only for her small reserves.

"RING AROUND THE ROSIE! A POCKET FULL OF POSIES! ASHES ASHES WE ALL FALL DOWN!" A slightly creepy voice sang as everyone froze, except for Kakashi, he just sighed and said, "Hello Kyōki, how are you?"

Looking like a sad puppy, Kyōki responded, "Fine till you ruined my scares. For that I shall give you something funny!" Slamming together a few handseals, Kyōki slammed his hand on the ground, "Insanity style! Summoning!"

The smoke cleared as something appeared out of the smoke, it was a….Clown?

"MEET MR. BOBO! HERE TO TURN THOSE FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN." Kyōki exclaimed.

"GYUK GYUK GYUK HELLO KIDS! COME AND SHOW ME THOSE SMILES!" Mr. Bobo said as he pulled out balloons. Handing one to Sasuke, he gave him a dark blue one with a snake on it. He gave Sakura a pink on with a slug on it, and finally Kakashi got a silver one with a puppy on it.

Everyone except for Kyōki sweatdropped at this and didn't notice that the balloons somehow had water seals on them, causing the team to get soaked.

This sent both the inmate and the clown into a fit of hysterics. Rolling on the floor and all that.

Then once everyone started to clean up, the clown then started to smack them with a small boxing glove, laughing every time he hit someone.

"Alright team, break, I don't want to deal with the insane people anymore, I need a drink." Kakashi said then getting smacked in the face with a mackerel. From Kyōki, and not the clown surprisingly.

/BREAK FOR MORE CHIPS/

After seeing everyone happier now that Inari actually learned about suffering that others have had, the team and the insane man turned in for the night.

"Hey Kyōki?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah Naruto?" Kyōki responded.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY BE-" Naruto started to say but then got shut up as Kyōki kissed him hard enough to where Naruto saw stars.

"Oh. That's why. I'm ok with this now." Naruto said as he started kissing him harder while biting Kyōki's lips.

'He tastes like ramen, and something unknown.'

AND FINISHED BITCHES! That was fun, I mean, I should probably write more as the stories that get all the views have like 3k words each chapter, and I'm barely scraping by with a 1.5k. Well, it's fun till I get to write about Kyōki's shikai and bankai, as it will be fun. SOOOOOOO anyways, thank you all so much for reading, please leave a review so I can see how I'm doing, and as always, I will see you, IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!

~The Crazy Man


	8. Insanity, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

Welcome one and all the the next chapter of _Aloha Madness_! I am your host as always, The Crazy Man! And I'm sorry for the small hiatus, again had a shit ton of work and all that, even better, I actually got a number from a cute guy that was at a concert I worked for security so that was fucking awesome. Anyways, have you guys seen this game called _One Finger Death Punch_? I'm thinking of incorporating that into Kyōki's fighting style, if you haven't seen go check out Markiplier's channel on it, as I think that's the best. Also, with this chapter I'm going to break 10k words! CELEBRATION TIME! BRING CAKE AND BOTH MALE AND FEMALE STRIPPERS! ANYWAYS ON WITH THE SHOW!

DISCLAIMER: BACK OFF MY OC, HE'S ALL I HAVE

Chapter 8: Insanity, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

Waking up has always been a hard thing to do for Naruto, as he hated the sunrise, but here in Wave, it was easy to sleep in for the sun barely shone on this dismal place.

Finally getting up because he heard a commotion downstairs, Naruto rushed in his ninja gear to get downstairs to where 2 thugs were holding Tsunami hostage at sword point.

"LET MY MOTHER GO! I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU!" Inarit screamed out as he ran at the thugs with a butcher knife.

"Hey Jimbo? The tallest one said.

"Yeah Bob?" The other said.

"Did Gato say we needed 2 hostages?"

"Nope, only one!"

"Sweet!" Taking out his sword, Bob prepared to skewer Inari on it, laughing all the while as he didn't notice Naruto sneak up behind him and swiftly slit his throat with his razor.

"HOLY HELL!" Jimbo screamed as he had his foot stomped on by Tsunami while Naruto ended his life with a throw of his razor to the mouth.

"All right you 2, it's time for action," Naruto said, "please gather all the villagers you can and meet us at the bridge as Gato is going down today. Right Inari?"

"Yeah! Let's do it!"

'I think I just inspired the hero of this town.' Naruto thought to himself as he ran towards the bridge. Not knowing that in a few short moments, he will be the hero of Wave.

/BREAK TIME. I NEED MY JUICE BOX/

Zabuza looked over to where Haku was fighting as Sasuke was looking awfully like a porcupine. 'Good boy Haku, after this is over we'll get some ice cream.'

Dodging a swipe from Kakashi, Zabuza kept fighting as he noticed Kyōki sitting on top of the dome of mirrors Haku made with his bloodline. 'The hell is that freak doing?' Zabuza thought as Kyōki leaned down and proceeded to….lick the ice?

'mmmmm Tastes like lemonade! I WANT MORE! I NEED TO OPEN THAT LEMONADE STAND!' Kyōki yelled in his mind.

"INSANITY STYLE: ICE BREAKER!" Kyōki screamed at Haku.

"HEY HAKU, HOW MUCH DOES A POLAR BEAR WEIGH?!" Kyōki asked.

"I do not know, what the hell are you talking about?" Haku replied.

"ENOUGH TO BREAK THE ICE BITCH!" Punching the ice mirror, Kyōki leaned forward, tipping himself into the dome of ice as the mirror he hit shattered.

"Impossible! How did you break my ice!" Haku asked surprised at what just happened.

"NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE INSANE!" Tying a rope to Sasuke's form and somehow squishing the Uchiha into a ball to show all the senbon sticking out like well...a spike ball.

"What the fuck are you doing?! I am an Uchiha! You can't do this to me!" Sasuke yelled out as the rope was swung around, almost looking like a spikey wrecking ball.

"INSANITY STYLE: WRECKING BALL!" At this point, Sasuke was swung around so fast that even Haku couldn't keep up with it.

'Shit I can't even pass the ball, it's being swung too fast, think Haku, how are you going to beat this guy?" Haku thought while sweat dropping at Kyōki.

"INSANITY STYLE: WRECKING TOURNAMENT!" Kyōki screamed out throwing Sasuke and somehow breaking all the mirrors, arriving on the scene, Naruto sees Kyōki standing amid a shower of ice crystals while smirking at Naruto. "HEYA NARUTO! WASSUP!"

This image was ruined by the falling bodies of Sasuke and Haku, falling onto the bridge in a lewd position. Sasuke fell face first into Haku's crotch, with Haku moaning because of the pain.

"Um, are they ok? And should we find them a motel?" Naruto asked while still oblivious to the fact that they were in the middle of a fight.

"Nah. Just take a picture, it will be better later in life." Kyōki said while wrapping an arm around Naruto.

Hearing the sound of birds, at least 2 of them mind you, the duo turned towards the ZabuKaka fight, where Kakashi was preparing his original jutsu, the chidori.

"ONE SECOND! HOLD THAT THOUGHT!" Kyōki yelled out as he sped towards Kakashi.

"Zabuza, your future, is death, prepare yourself, in the next five seconds, I will be inside you." Running at speeds many couldn't keep up with, Kakashi thrusted his hand towards Zabuza.

Until his hand was grabbed by Kyōki and with a smile that can make you wet your pants, Kyōki started laughing as he was shocked by the lightning.

"I FEEL TINGLY!" Kyōki kept laughing.

'HE BLOCKED IT?! THE FUCK?' Kakashi thought to himself.

"KAKASHI! PREPARE YOURSELF AS THE CARNIVAL IS IN TOWN!" Pointing to the end of the bridge, the group turned to see that 200 thugs and Gato himself were there.

"Awww looks like the Demon is just a baby demon and can be beaten by a bunch of brats. Especially that blonde one, I might take him for myself." Gato taunted.

Everyone felt the power that Kyōki emitted, his anger personified, his smile made even Zabuza take a step back in fear. Then he started laughing. And it wasn't his original laugh, his own special laugh that none could dispute that he was insane.

Laughing, Kyōki takes out his sword. "Meet Kyōjin, the sword of madness himself." Holding the scabbard in his left hand, Kyōki grabbed the hilt with his right hand, palm facing towards the thugs, while his forearm was against his forehead.

Drawing the sword, Kyōki yelled out, "SLIP INTO MADNESS: LUNATIC!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? KILL HIM AND I'LL DOUBLE YOUR PAY." Gato yelled to his thugs as they charged.

"Guys, stay back, Lunatic makes it so it doubles my insanity, I won't know friend from foe."

Running into the fray, everyone saw how Kyōki's sword kept shimmering, like it was changing forms. Which it was.

/BREAK FOR LEARNING/

Alright bitches! Crazy Man here, and I will explain Kyōki's sword, Lunatic. Lunatic, as Kyōki said, doubles his inanity, to the point where he doesn't know anything. It's secondary effect is that it changes weapon form, every second, making the user have to adapt to each form regardless of who uses it.

/BREAK DONE/

"WELCOME TO DEATH'S BOAT, I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE!" His sword was a scythe as he killed off 20 thugs quickly.

"WELCOME TO 3rd GRADE, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Kyōki screamed as it took the appearance of a yo-yo, somehow murdering 30 thugs.

"WELCOME TO THE BOWLING LANE, READY FOR A STRIKE?" his sword became a bowling ball with spikes, bowling over another 50.

"INSANITY STYLE: LECTER'S BITE!" Ripping out a thugs throat with his teeth, he proceeded to do this with the next 20.

"INSANITY STYLE: ONE FINGER DEATH PUNCH!" His sword becoming a pair of boxing gloves, he punched the next 80. As he stood in front of Gato, the thugs exploded in a shower of blood.

"Gato, for speaking about someone so innocent and clean, I WILL RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AT THE SEAM! FOR THINKING OF TOUCHING WHAT IS MINE, I WILL MURDER YOUR KIND!"

Grabbing the said part, everyone was horrified as Kyōki ripped Gato's tongue out. then grabbing Gato, he threw him towards Tazuna, "This is for you, no excuse me, I must pass out. Nighty night." With Naruto catching him, everyone wondered what lies in the unknown.

And done, well another chapter, again sorry for the wait, been busy, but yeah. apparently, this is also crack, but hey, what can you expect from a fic that has an insane character as the main character?! Also, to appease some people, I may try my hand at writing a lemon, but may hold it off till they get back to Konoha, but I'll figure out something. Another So thank you all so much for reading, please leave a review in the section where reviews are found and as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!

~The Crazy Man


	9. Insanity at its Finest

**Welcome back one and all to the next chapter of** _ **Aloha Madness**_ **. I am your host as always The Crazy Man. And holy crap, you guys and gals actually like my writing?! This is insane, I never thought that people would actually like it. Anyways, so I may, or may not have ideas for the lemon, as the legal age in Japan is 14, and there's probably worse out here on this website, so yeah. Also, what the hell, with Naruto's shadow clones, I have a few ideas, but again, that may be saved for a later date, as I don't want this fic to become more lemony than a bottle of Pledge. Next order of business, I may write a serious Naruto fic, but again, there's not that many insane fics out there, my favorite is** _ **The True Horror of Konoha**_ **by jinx777, so go check that out. Anyways on with the show!**

DISCLAIMER: LAST I CHECKED I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING

"LOOK AT THE PRETTY BOY OVER THERE!" - Talking

'Hes not that pretty.' - Thinking

" _Not as pretty as Naruto"_ \- Anything else if I write it. (I'm lazy, so sue me.)

Chapter 9: Insanity at it's Finest

Naruto was worried, in fact, he was downright scared. His boyfriend, Kyōki, hasn't woken up since he slaughtered all the thugs at the bridge and delivering Gato to Tazuna. Speaking of the fat midget, Tazuna took a page from Kyōki's book, asking for an explosive tag, Tazuna grabbed Gato and nailed the tag to Gato's chest. Turning away from the screaming man, Tazuna looked at Team 7 and said, "Nailed it."

As Gato exploded, everyone else had a sweatdrop, as Tazuna just killed a man and didn't bat an eyelash.

Team 7 turned around as they heard screaming, but it wasn't of fear, or pain, or seeing 5 Seconds of Summer in concert, (A/N I actually saw them in concert, I've heard Marines scream and yell, but they couldn't compare to the screams of these fangirls.) But it was in happiness, as Gato was dead, and Wave was free!

Kids were crying, moms were on their knees, (NOT LIKE THAT PERVERTS) dads were cheering, everyone was so happy, even Kyōki had a huge grin on his face, but then again, when does he not?

Looking down at Kyōki, Naruto couldn't believe he fell in love with a man that was an 11 on the insane scale, seriously, he couldn't believe that he was loved by someone who actually was hurt more than him.

Naruto leaned down and kissed Kyōki on the lips, again marveling at the softness, they tasted like strawberries, which is weird, as he hasn't seen Kyōki eating any strawberries.

Kyōki, blinking his eyes lazily, feels something on his lips, kissing back, he is rewarded with a small moan from the person. Opening his eyes fully, he sees Naruto standing over him, with a smile that can melt hearts.

"Hello little angel, have I died?" Kyōki asked.

"No, you're still alive." Naruto replied

"Then I must be seeing things, because there's a beautiful boy on top of me."

Naruto, blushing, kissed Kyōki again, moaning into the kiss as Kyōki kissed him back hard.

"That was for saving me from the thugs." Naruto said. Punching Kyōki hard in the chest, Naruto continued, "That was for making me worry about you, you asshole."

Kyōki rubbed his chest, wincing from the pain, that little cute boy can hit hard on a guy that is solid muscle.

"So, what happened after I passed out sugar lips?"

"Well Tazuna, murdered Gato, Wave celebrated, and Zabuza and Haku are waiting for you to wake up." Naruto replied.

"Great! I'll go visit them, it will be like old times!" Getting up with a insane laugh, Kyōki blurred away with pure speed.

Naruto, sighed dreamily, falling hard for the insane man who could be very sweet at times.

'I really should take him out on a date.' Walking downstairs, Naruto wondered what's going on.

/BREAK FOR UMMMMM PIZZA?!/

Team 7 plus the two additions, were waiting around the living room of Tazuna's house, Team 7 looking fearfully at the Demon of the Bloody Mist.

"Don't worry I will not kill you, I'm just here to talk to Kyōki and maybe help him out."

Feeling weight on the sofa he was sitting on, Zabuza turned towards Kyōki, who was….peeling a banana?

"So Zabu-chan, sup bitch?"

"I want you to take Haku and kill me."

You could've heard a pin drop in the room, everyone was shocked, except that Kyōki was smiling insanely.

"And why should I do that?" Kyōki asked.

"I want to die because of how many sins I have gathered among my short life time here on this earth. And people know you can help them with suicide but technically it's murder."

"Oh? How do people know that I can kill them?"

"Please! You have so many nicknames. The Insane Gentleman, Inmate 1, The Smiling King of Blood, The-"

"Oh yeah you dirty bitch work the shaft." Kyōki said as the entire room sans one insane man blushed heavily.

"E-excuse you?" Sakura replied imagining it was her and Sasuke doing that.

"Oh sorry, it's just that I like to dirty talk when someone's SUCKING MY DICK."

"BACK TO THE POINT. Please Kyōki, kill me, let me die with a smile on my face."

Kyōki looked at Zabuza then smiled, "I can do even better, you and Haku both love each other like family correct?" Seeing their nod he continued, "I will kill both of you with my sword in it's unsealed state, as any killed with Lunatic actually have their souls absorbed into the sword, serving me for battles."

At this, Zabuza got really happy, "I like it, and Haku looks like he likes it too as he's smiling up a storm."

"Yes, I love this idea, but what will our duties entail?"

"Well when I unleash my Bankai, you will fight for me, becoming fighters that can barely die."

"Can I go first?" Haku asked.

"Why of course my dear! Step this way!" Kyōki exclaimed while grabbing Haku like he was in a showroom.

Stepping outside the group watched as Haku readied himself for the pain of death.

"I'm ready." Haku breathed out with a sigh.

Drawing his blade, Kyōki started to gather his energy, "Insanity Style: Rebirth of Insanity."

Running forward at ridiculous speeds, Kyōki stabbed Haku through the heart. As the now dying Haku bled over his sword, words appeared, _Madness through cold._

"Welcome to the asylum, my snowflake." Before everyone's eyes, Haku's body was absorbed into Lunatic, him leaving with a smile on his face.

"Zabuza, are you ready? Ready to meet Haku on the other side?"

"Yes, I am ready, please kill me." Zabuza said, happy at this second chance.

"Insanity Style: Rebirth of Insanity." Stabbing Zabuza through the heart, more letters appeared, _Madness through blood._

"Welcome to the asylum, my demon. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and bye-bye!" Zabuza's body was absorbed into Lunatic, him leaving with a serene smile.

"Well I think that wraps up the Wave arc! Can we go home now?! Please Naru-chan?!" Kyōki asked looking like a sad puppy, which for an insane man is hard to do.

'What the fuck is he talking about? The hell is an arc?' Kakashi wondered waiting for the report he'll have to write up. 'FUCK!'

 **WELL THERE YA GO. Something interesting that I don't think that people do often in fanfiction, but please, again, have some suspense of disbelief, thank you. Sorry for the wait, and yeah. So thank you all so much for reading, please leave a review in the review section, and as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!**

 **~The Crazy Man**


	10. Welcome Back Madness

**Welcome one and all to the next chapter of** _ **Aloha Madness**_ **! I am your host as always, The Crazy Man! Now again, holy crap, my phone is blowing up right now at how many emails I'm getting from fanfiction about reviews and follows. It warms my cold heart. :3**

 **I'm actually going to take some time to answer some reviews right now to make it easy on me and you guys.**

 **TIGRZZTAIL: Holy crap, i love your reviews, no Kyōki didn't absorb all those thugs, its based on the jutsu Kyōki uses, Rebirth does exactly that, gives one a new chance to fight. Also not the buck, but I'm starting to try and end all chapters with something special, but I changed it in Chapter 9.**

 **THOR94: As a fan of kink and stuff of that sort myself, I like where your thoughts lie, however, thats not what Kyōki is about, he doesn't want to scare Naruto away, because we all know how a 14 year old innocent angel getting asked, "HEY NARUTO LETS TIE YOU UP AND FORCE YOU TO TAKE SOME DILDOS TO THE ASS AND MY COCK TO YOUR FACE!" He'd probably faint. Also, Naruto will not be godlike, I love those fics, but I wouldn't be able to write them. But anyways, I will keep your requests in mind when I do write the lemon as maybe it could happen in the near future.**

 **THANKS AND LETS GET ON WITH THE SHOW!**

DISCLAIMER: GET THE FUCK BACK YOU STUPID LAWYERS: Kyōki is all I have.

Regular speech and thoughts apply here, I'm kinda lazy. Maybe I'm related to a Nara?

Chapter 10: Welcome Back Madness

"So that is your report eh Kakashi?" An aged voice said, belonging to the wise and powerful 3rd Hokage of Konoha: Hiruzen Sarutobi.

"Yes Hokage-sama." Kakashi replied with a sweatdrop as Kyōki was currently balancing things on top of the Hokage's hat.

"Your head isn't pointy like your hat, so how does that work?" Kyōki said very intrigued.

"But just in case, let me run this by you again; You got captured by Zabuza, and this Kyōki appeared, kicking Zabuza in the crotch, pledging his undying loyalty to Naruto, trained Naruto, became Naruto's boyfriend, helped stop the tyrant Gato, and made Zabuza and Haku, Zabuza's apprentice, servants?

At this, Kyōki got in the Hokage's face, looked at him very intrigued and said very slowly, "You're so old, you make the mummies in Suna ask you for advice."

"Also Kyōki is insane."

"That is my report in a nutshell Hokage-sama."

"All right, Team 7 is dismissed, except for you and Kyōki." Hiruzen said.

"BYE OJI-SAN!" Naruto screamed and looked at Kyōki, "Come find me later, I have to introduce you to something amazing."

"All right cutie, see ya!" Kyōki waves towards the blond.

As soon as the doors shut, Kyōki had himself surrounded by ANBU.

"What's all this then?" Kyōki asked.

"Kyōki, I know who you are, why are you here, and please, don't try anything stupid."

"I AM BUT A HUMBLE BLACKSMITH. WELL VERSED IN THE WAYS OF THE WORLD."

"Cut the crap Kyōki, you are Inmate 01, one of the deadliest men in all of Fire Country."

Hearing this, Kyōki smiled insanely, "Insanity style: Fear toxin: Time limit 1 hour."

At his words, Kyōki threw small darts at the 4 ANBU surrounding him, as soon as the darts landed on them, they released a toxin in their bloodstreams, knocking them out quickly. You could hear muffled screaming coming from their masks.

"Hokage-sama, I am insanity personified, you can't control insanity, it controls you, Naruto interested me, and I love him and he loves me. Also, you kinda can't stop me from helping him in battle."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Because I pledged that his enemies would become mine, I did this on my sword, which is unbreakable like my vows."

"God dammit you are right, you may help Naruto as a bodyguard. "Take this", throwing a headband to Kyōki, he sighed and rubbed his temples, "Now please leave."

"SIR YES SIR!" Saluting the Hokage, he ran away at speeds that made Kakashi blink.

"Is your team ready for the Exams Kakashi?"

"Yes Hokage-sama, I was worried about Naruto, but with Kyōki's training, he got impossibly better."

"Take these forms to them tomorrow please then."

"Yes sir."

/BREAK FOR EGG NOG/

"Rocks aren't square Konohamaru." Naruto said as he sighed and turned around.

"YOU FOILED MY PLAN BOSS!" At his smoke enveloped the 'rock' and one could see 3 children pop out.

"My name is Moegi, sassiest girl in Konoha!" A short girl said, she had orange hair worn up in a different hairstyle than other girls. But hey, more power to you.

"I am Udon and I like math." A sad dopey looking boy said amidst a bit of the sniffles.

"And I am Konohamaru and I will be the next Hokage!" Konohamaru said, he wore a scarf and like his two friends, were wearing goggles reminiscent of the goggles Naruto wore in the academy.

Naruto was silent for a bit. "7.5"

At this, the three kids got pouty faces.

"THAT WAS AT LEAST WORTH AN 8."

"Too much smoke."

"Oh"

"NARUTO-BAKA! WE HAVE TO MEET KAKASHI-SENSEI FOR SOME REASON!" A shrill voice sounded over them.

"Who is this Boss? Is this your you know?" Holding up his pinky, Konohamaru waggled his eyebrows.

"No, my love is off doing who knows what."

"Oh that's good, she's too ugly for you anyways."

"Konohamaru, run now."

"GOT IT BOSS!" Konohamaru started running away from the angry Sakura, Naruto laughed until he heard Konohamaru cry out for help.

Turning the corner, he saw a boy in a cat-suit holding up Konohamaru by his collar.

"The fuck you little runt, you know better to bump into people."

"Put me down, you crossdressing freak!" (I am not against those that crossdress, needed this in the story)

"I am not a cross dresser!"

"Kankuro…."

"Not now Temari!"

"Kankuro."

"I said later Temari!"

"KANKURO!"

Turning around he saw his sister with a straight razor to her neck and a blond boy holding said razor.

"Put the boy down or else." Naruto's voice was colder than any day in Iron Country.

"HEY GUYS! LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" A smiling Kyōki appeared on the scene holding Sasuke in one hand and a red haired boy in the other.

"Gaara!"

"BACK OFF. He is having a conversation with his special friend."

"How did you do that?"

"I am madness itself, I can control those that are mad to a degree." Kyōki explained.

At this, Gaara's head snapped up, "Come, we are leaving."

"Yes Gaara." The 2 siblings left with their third sibling.

"NARUTO!"

"Yes Kyōki?"

"What should I do with this?" Holding up Sasuke and looking at Naruto.

THe smile on Kyōki's face only increased when Naruto said, "I don't give fuck."

 **WOW. Things are rolling along for our friends, will Naruto win against his enemies? Will death rear its ugly face? WHY AM I ASKING YOU THESE QUESTIONS? Thank you all so much for reading, please leave a review as I feed off them and as always, I will see you in the next chapter!**

 **~The Crazy Man**


	11. Examining Madness

**Welcome one and all to the next chapter of** _ **Aloha Madness**_ **! I am your host as always, The Crazy Man! It's the start of the Chunin Exam arc and guess who will be sore after the exams themselves? Now, after the exams there may be a lemon, but it's going to need some ideas from the public. If you have anything that you want in the lemon, please tell me either in a review or in a PM. Sorry for the hiatus, I've been dealing with a lot of bullshit and I have learned a lot from a lot of new people its pretty awesome.**

 **Disclaimer: IM TOO POOR TO OWN ANYTHING**

 **You know how the thing goes right? I'm kinda lazy….so yeah on with the show!**

Chapter 11: Testing Madness

"Well team, it's time, time for us to prove HOW FUCKING AWESOME WE ARE AND HOW MUCH NARUTO IS CUTE!" Kyōki screamed as Team 7 moved to the academy.

"Um...Kyōki...you do know you can't participate as a member of Team 7 right?" Sakura said as she, being a weak bitch, is scared of Kyōki.

"Awwww the little puppy thinks she can play with the mad dog, here's the thing sweet cheeks, I am technically Naruto's familiar, just like the Inuzuka's dogs." Kyōki responded as he is juggling 3 apples, throwing one to Naruto.

Grabbing the apple, Naruto took a bite and responded, "Yeah Sakura, stop yelling at my boyfriend, he wants to help us anyways."

"Well dobe some of us don't need the help." Sasuke responded with a flash of his sharingan.

"Let's just get inside before we start fighting again." Naruto responded as Kyōki started smiling at him again.

Entering the academy, Team 7 saw a group of ninja surrounding two ninja that were blocking the way to room 301.

"Hey let us in!" A nameless ninja said from the hidden rock.

"We deserve to be chunin!" Another said.

"HEY DON'T MOVE!" Kyōki screamed as he ran up to the two ninja blocking the way.

"INSANITY STYLE: CLONE." A clone appeared as Kyōki ran to the two ninja, Kyōki and his clone getting right up in their faces, the two ninja sweating slightly.

"Do you know who I am?" Kyōki asked with a giant grin.

"Y-y-y-you're Kyōki, Insanity incarnate." The first ninja responded.

"Yes, good, now what happens when I get mad?"

"T-t-things die?" The second ninja asked.

"CORRECT! INSANITY STYLE: DROP THE BASS!" At this, Kyōki slammed both of the ninjas heads into the ground then slapping them with a fish he got from hammer space, Kyōki stood up.

"Now then young masters, shall we enter the room of tests?" Bowing to the three genin, Kyōki flashed an insane smile to the other genin. "NOW RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

/TIME SKIP!/

Approaching the door to the exam room, Team 7 was deciding the best way to start the test.

"FUCK THAT CRAZYMAN! WE START THE TEST MY WAY! INSANITY STYLE: BOOT OF GEARS!" The doors to the exam room flew off their hinges and hit one of the genin teams participating in the exam. The genins teammates saw who it was and started sweating while trying to revive their partner.

"WHATS UP FUCKERS! I'M HERE TO-" Kyōki got cut off by Naruto, "Kyōki, honey, its okay, I got this." As he says this the rest of the Konoha twelve show up, all kind of scared of Kyōki.

"Hey guys! It's like the gang is back together!" A boy says with a cute puppy on his head. "Naruto, who's the tall guy? And why is he part of your team?" Kiba asks again while still keeping a little distance from Kyōki.

"Oh where are my manners!" Kyōki exclaims while rushing up to each of the genin that actually matter, "my name is Kyōki, the insanity incarnate, and your resident boyfriend of the cutest fox." Naruto blushes at this, while kicking his shoes on the floor.

'THAT FREAK HAS A BOYFRIEND?' Was the thought between most of the Konoha 12 that haven't actually talked to Naruto.

"Hey you, you should stop drawing so much attention to yourselves." A genin appeared with glasses and silver hair. "Can't you read the room? Everyone is tense right now, especially since he walked through the door."

"I am sorry, but who the fuck are you?" Naruto surprised everyone by swearing especially at a genin no one knew.

"I am Kabuto, a veteran of these exams, it being my 7th time competing." Kabuto responded with a sickly sweet smile.

"Your 7th time? Wow you must suck!" Kiba retorted with the most of the genin nodding along with his train of thought.

"Oh you simple puppy, with repetitions you earn experience, just like sex, the more you do it, the better you get." Kyōki responded making the genin within earshot blush. Leaning down so he can whisper in Naruto's ear, "And I am _very_ knowledgeable in that department little fox." At this Naruto blushed harder than he ever has since the shower incident.

"Well yes, anyways, I have knowledge on everyone in here, would you like to know anything about anyone?" Kabuto quickly adjusted his glasses to do that stupid anime thing.

Sasuke steps forward, "Naruto Uzumaki, Kyōki, and Gaara of the Sand." Now everyone was confused, except for Kyōki, who was, humming along to the voices in his head.

"Aw you know their names! No fun!" Kabuto pulled out his ninja cards and pulling Gaara's card from the stack he started reading. "Gaara of the Sand, he's from the sand village, teammates are his brother and sister, Kankuro and Temari. His known power is he's come back from an A rank mission without a scratch on him." At this, the genin got scared. Pussies.

"Next, Naruto Uzumaki, he's from the leaf village, but you know that already don't you? Teammates are you, Sasuke Uchiha, and Sakura Haruno. His known power is that he's done two A rank missions, one involving a traitor, the other involving the Demon of the Bloody Mist and the Insane Gentleman." As he got to Kyōki's title, he blanched a little, while the other genin got confused on the other A rank mission.

"And finally Kyōki, no none village of origin, Naruto's familiar, so technically a teammate, he is completely insane, his sword is able to be everything and nothing, to seal souls, he has spent time with Naruto and is now his boyfriend." Kyōki then went straight up to Kabuto, his frame easily towering over the genin.

"YOU FORGOT ONE THING!" Picking up Kabuto up by the collar, "I AM A FORCE OF NATURE HERSELF. NO ONE KNOWS ME." Slamming Kabuto on his ass, Kyōki slinked back to Naruto's side, while whispering about what's going to happen when Naruto turns of age.

A giant smoke cloud appeared in front of the classroom, a man as tall as Kyōki stood, his face scarred looking like he's seen some shit.

"Alright, sit the fuck down! I'm Ibiki Morino! Interrogation expert and here to administer the first test!" Ibiki sees Kyōki and points at him, "You are not allowed, you are not a genin, go outside." Kyōki smiles at this.

"I have exclusive permission from the Hokage himself to do whatever the fuck I want to keep Naruto safe." Kyōki then picks Naruto up and sits him down while standing next to him.

"Fuck it, I'm already tired. Everyone starts with 10 points, points are subtracted for everytime you are caught cheating. Get caught 5 times, and your entire team fails. Each question is worth 1 point. The tenth question will be asked in 45 minutes." Not giving the genin any time to respond to him, Ibiki announced. "LET THE FIRST PART OF THE CHUNIN EXAMS BEGIN."

And with that, the genin all flipped over their papers, Kyōki squeezing Naruto's shoulder to motivate him.

 **Welp there you go everyone! I am back and will update as much as I can, I do love all your reviews and all that good stuff. Keep reading and as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!**

 **-The Crazy Man**


	12. Grading Insanity

**Welcome one and all to the next chapter of** _ **Aloha Madness**_ **! I'm your host as always The Crazy Man! And yes bitches, I'm back from my hiatus! And you all love it, so a few notes that I read from your reviews, yes I'll probably get kinky, but not super kinky...yet. Maybe train Naruto with needleplay and electro later for the exams. Anko will have...a special place for the Insane Gentleman, but I'll get to that later! ANYWAYS ON YOUR KNEES AND SAY "THANK YOU DADDY!" ON WITH THE SHOW!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything, in fact, I'm owned.**

"Hey this is how people talk in this story."

'This is how they think.'

" _This is anything else if the author decides it"_

Chapter 12: Grading Insanity

The room was silent enough you could hear a pin drop, the only sound being the genin and chunin scratching along with their pencils. Ibiki himself was staring at Kyōki, who was staring back.

'What is going through that man's head? He must be strong enough to resist my mind games, let's do a little test.' Nodding to an examiner, he started calling out Teams. "Genin numbers 43, 72, 57, 83, and 98! GRAB YOUR TEAMS AND LEAVE!" The Genin he called out stood up and started shouting, one of them shouted for the rest of them.

"THERE IS NO WAY I WAS CHEATING! THIS IS FAVORITISM!" The genin was swiftly choke slammed into the ground, hard enough to leave a mark on the floor. And holding his throat was none other than our favorite crazy man, Kyōki.

"Listen you cum stain, I am the last person who wants to hear about favoritism, if you actually noticed around you, 1 genin team is actually from Konoha! GET WRECKED SON!" Kyōki then threw the genin towards Ibiki, "hey scarface! Control your toys or I'll break them!" He then went back and stood aside Naruto, who was still currently trying to figure out the test.

'Holy fuck, I like this guy's style, didn't need the scarface comment though.' Ibiki thought as the chunin took the genin out of the exam room. Throwing a kunai at another genin, impaling her poor test sheet, "YOU FAIL GO AWAY!"

We flash to the other genin, who all figured out the reason behind the test, cheating without getting caught. Sasuke, Hinata, and Neji were all using their dojutsu to copy the answers, Kiba had Akamaru barking the secrets, Ten Ten was using some sort of mirror contraption to reveal the genin's sheets to her and Lee. Sakura answered the questions easily because her brain is the only useful part of her, Shino had his bugs talk to him, and Naruto...Well he was still freaking out.

'OH FUCK I CAN'T ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS! I'M GOING TO FAIL!' Naruto thought sweating hard, like he just went 8 rounds with Kyōki training him.

At the last 15 minute mark, Kyōki told the room, "Hey everyone! Want to see a magic trick?" At this, even Ibiki was interested, leaning towards the crazy inmate. "I can make this test disappear!" Grabbing a genin's test who already turned his over, and Naruto's, who didn't have a single thing written on it. He swapped them. No noise, no smoke, no tricks, just straight moved the two. The genin he took it from was furious. Standing up to Kyōki though, is a bad move. But this kid thinks he's tough.

"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU TOOK MY TEST!" Genin dumbass said, while getting in Kyōki's face, Ibiki, wanting to see how this played out, let this go on.

"What test? You wrote in pencil, my little fox writes in pen." Naruto, blushing at his pet name looked down and saw that his paper was in fact, written in pen and had all the answers filled out. The genin looked shocked knowing that he can't even erase the ink, slumped back in his chair, but he noticed that the other paper in front of him was completely gone.

"Also, for trying to be a little shit, Insanity Style: Spark of Madness." Kyōki then blew sparks out of his mouth, lighting the test in front of him on fire. Ibiki saw what he was doing and was deeply surprised.

"WAIT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THE TEST NOW?" The genin screamed out, looking to Ibiki for help.

"GENIN NUMBER 33, YOU FAIL GET THE HELL OUT WITH YOUR TEAM!" Ibiki screamed at them, blasting a little Killing Intent to really get them moving. The genin's teammates, angry at Kyōki, charged him, forgetting how easy he picked up the first genin.

Naruto paid no mind as was currently munching on a snack that Kyōki brought for him, he looked up at the sounds of gasps, as the two genin were held up by their collars, the shirts constricting their airflow.

"Little fox, what would you like me to do to these heathens? These two are not even worthy enough to BREATHE THE AIR MY BACTERIUM EXIST ON!" Kyōki losing control for a little there, shaking the two genin till they were white as a sheet.

Gaining a sick grin, Naruto told Kyōki, "Tie them up then hang them up in such a way that everyone can know their shame." Kyōki, showing all teeth, bent over and kissed Naruto on the forehead, "It shall be done my little fox."

Blurring away with the two genin, Kyōki disappeared from the room. Ibiki looked over to Naruto, who was currently sporting a small blush while looking down at his test. Walking up to him, Ibiki looked down, leaking KI to get Naruto's attention.

"Is there any reason why I shouldn't fail you right here and now and take away your chance of being a chunin?"

"That's easy, he never got a test, therefore, he could never cheat, to get points taken off. Also, he's not part of my team. Just a familiar. So whatever he does, it won't matter to the rest of the team." Naruto responded while still having a small blush from Kyōki's public display.

The chunin in the room, were so surprised at Naruto's revelation, seeing how a genin outsmarted Ibiki.

Said torture specialist smirked and replied, "Good job kid, where did you find him though?"

"WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE!" Kyōki blurred back into the room, while glomping Naruto. Ibiki was shocked, no one usually gets past him. Turning away from our favorite pair, he went to the front of the room.

"Alright, pencils down, time for the last question. However, there is a certain rule. You may choose to take the question or not too. If you don't take the question, your entire team fails and you get the fuck out of my classroom."

"What kinda question is that? Then of course we will take the question!" A random genin stands up before getting an eraser embedded in his forehead.

"Thank you Kyōki, the reason being, if you fail the question, you will be barred from ever becoming a chunin ever again." "GET FUCKED GENIN." Kyōki started laughing as the genin started yelling and crying out in horror.

"SILENCE MAGGOTS!" Kyōki and Ibiki both screamed at the genin, looking at each other they gave a quizzical look to each other. Ibiki continued, "This is your unlucky year maggots, I'm in charge. And if you fail this question, not even the Kage's can over rule me."

As his speech ended, the genin started dropping like flies, finally about 26 genin teams remained, including all the genin that actually mattered.

"No more takers?" Seeing the genin looking determined, Ibiki smirked. "All of you! YOU PASS!"

All the genin, except Naruto, as he was currently cuddling into Kyōki, face planted into the ground.

"As chunin, you must gather information, without getting caught, if you are caught, destroy the evidence. As chunin, you must be able to give it an all-or-nothing chance! If you fail, it means your life." As he says this, Ibiki takes off his bandana, showing off the scars on his head, "This is the price of failure, the price of information." He feels a breeze next to him.

"No this is the price of failure." Taking off his coat, the girls and Naruto blush at Kyōki's form, whispering "Kai." his scars popped back out, now all the girls in the room immediately started retching, while Naruto drooled.

Putting his coat back on, he tackles Naruto, "INCOMING!"

Ibiki had little time, as a black blur slammed through the window, revealing a banner: INTRODUCING, THE SEXY, SINGLE, CRAZY, ANKO!

The person in front of the banner, well, left little to the imagination, sporting a wicked grin, and almost a see through top, Anko Mitarashi stood in front of the room. "WELCOME TO MY PLAY TIME KIDDIES!"

Kyōki looked up and licked his lips, "I smell, SNAKE!"

 **WELL THERE Y'ALL GO! Another chapter written while I'm at work nonetheless! I have a day off so I probably won't write as I'll be getting whipped and spanked and all that. As always, leave a review, share the story if you think others will like it, and hey I hope you have a great day! And as always, I will see you, in the next chapter!**

 **-The Crazy Man**


	13. The Forest of Insanity

**Welcome one and all to the next chapter of** _ **Aloha Madness**_ **! I am your host as always, The Crazy Man! Welcome to the forest of death! MWAHAHAHA, Ahem, sorrry anyways, any comments, reviews are always appreciated! Have a great day everyone and, ON WITH THE SHOW.**

"If I talk, I do it like this."

'If we think, therefore we are'

" _If anything else happens, here we go!"_

Chapter 13: The Forest of Insanity

For the second time that day, the room was silent as Anko stood there with an amazing grin, it was that kinda grin that you get from across the bar, where the other person just wants to have a little fun.

"26 teams Ibiki? You must be losing your touch!" Anko cheerfully said while passing over the genin and just laughing at Ibiki's misfortune.

"No, just look what that blonde genin brought in." Ibiki said while starting to erase his chalkboard.

Anko looking over to Naruto, saw the behemoth of a man who is our neighborhood crazy man, who is currently unsettling her by balancing a kunai on his tongue.

"Who the fuck is that?" Anko questioned while keeping her eyes locked on Kyōki.

Anko didn't expect a piece of dango to be thrown into her mouth, but instinctively she started eating it, and this amazing feeling of euphoria washed over her.

"My name is Kyōki, resident crazy man, lover of cute foxes, and an amazing cook it looks like." Kyōki said munching on some dango while Naruto happily ate some pocky.

'I wonder if I am developing a sweet tooth because of Kyōki, oh well it just tastes so good!' Naruto thought oblivious to the tension in the room.

"Well anyways! Don't worry you cute little genin! I will cut your number down by half at least! You have till 12 to get to training ground 44!" Anko says while jumping out of a different window, while smiling crazily.

All the genin looked confused, but Kyōki just smiled and picked up Naruto in a bridal carry fashion and jumped out the window, laughing as the rest of the genin looked around before springing to their feet and running out the door to the training ground.

'What a strange man.' Ibiki thought while collecting the tests picking up Naruto's he saw a note, " _Hey scarface! Tell the old fart to look into Kabuto! He smells of snake, but not the good kind, kinda like pre cum!"_  
'DEFINITELY A STRANGE MAN' Ibiki reminded himself as he walked out of the classroom at a brisk pace to the Hokage's office.

/BREAK TIME/

"Welcome brats to the Forest of Death!" Anko exclaimed happily while gesturing wildly around her. As the genin looked behind her, they saw a tiger sized centipede crawl across a tree, instantly freaking out a few genin.

"This test is about death! Each team will be given either an Earth or a Heaven scroll, and you must get the other one that your team doesn't have from another team. Each team must have both scrolls to progress into the next round!" Anko cheerfully said.

"BUT WHAT ABOUT FOOD?!" Choji screamed while already having his stomach growl.

"Cannibalism is acceptable to survive." Kyōki said while playing with a knife. "I've done it before! KINDA TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!"

The genin around Kyōki heard this and started to shiver from the insane inmate, while Anko threw a kunai at him, trying to catch him off guard.

Teleporting behind Kyōki, she cuts his cheek and took a lick of his blood. "Don't interrupt me while i'm scaring the genin."

"Get the fuck off my boyfriend Anko." Feeling cold steel across her neck, Anko slowly turned to see Naruto's normal happy blue eyes turn as cold as ice. "I'm the only one who can lick him so back off." Anko had to suppress a shiver.

"Alright alright I'll back off, just trying to scare him!" Anko took herself off of Kyōki, while Kyōki just looked happy and smiling.

"AW MY LITTLE FOX WANTS TO LICK ME!" Kyōki then ran up and glomped Naruto who returned to his blushing state while Kyōki was hanging off him.

All this went noticed by a Kusa 'genin' who was staring at Kyōki with a sinister smile on its face. 'Kyōki I can't wait to see how much you've changed over the few years we've seen each other, maybe you can stop me from taking what is mine.' Hissing out a laugh, the Kusa-nin started drawing up plans in its head.

Going into a tent, team 7 signed release forms, and were given an Earth scroll, immediately the team gave the scroll to Kyōki who smiled and...ate it? What the fuck?

"Kyōki what the fuck?" Sakura said, while just staring at him.

"Trust me pinkie, I know scare tactics! ARE YOU SCARED? YOU SHOULDN'T BE!" Kyōki screamed a the Chunin who just started shivering.

Approaching their assigned gate, Team 7 looked on in determination as the countdown started.

"5!" Sasuke gritted his teeth, tightening the bandages around his knuckles.

"4!" Sakura wiped some sweat from her brow, thinking of how she will not lose.

"3!" Naruto started spinning his razor blade while staring ahead.

"2!" Kyōki bit down onto his thumb starting the blood to flow and drawing on a scroll.

"1!" Team 7 braced as Anko cheerfully exclaimed, "DON'T DIE!"

"BEGIN!" The gates opened and our favorite team rushed into The Forest of Death, already hearing screams and whimpers.

 **Hey you guys! I honestly can't wait to take on Orochimaru! It'll be so fun! ANYWAYS YOU KNOW THE DRILL. READ, COMMENT, REVIEW! Have fun, go get laid, and make people happy today! That's all for now! I will see you, in the next chapter, BUH BYEEEE**

 **THE CRAZY MAN**


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